RUN

I started out this post as for a different reason, however, my situation changed. It was more meant to run away from morons.  However, I figured the image or the title might attract some enthusiasts to perhaps take a peak at my insanity.  The title should actually read “Runs”.

Powerful.  Unstoppable.  Ruthless. Never ending.  You would think I am describing a book from the Newyork times bestsellers.  But no, thats how a recent virus attack on my stomach felt.  It was brutal.  I often find the only way to combat situations like these mentally are through some sense of humour, for humour is all there is.

North American bathrooms : When I first moved to North America, I awed at the size of bathrooms.  I even wondered why they would waste so much space and at how there was a dry area and a wet area (unlike in India).  Its only when I had the runs, I realized how the dry North American bathrooms are designed to double up as make-shift bedrooms as well.  My bathroom can well accommodate a single floor mattress for easy access to the toilet.  I even envisioned a nook to put my reading light on because given that I was going to get no sleep, yet horizontal is the only other position of comfort for the few minutes between the runs, I could have read about two lines at a time at least!

The inner creator : In times of crisis is when I believe the inner creator awakens.  Since the idea of mattress on the bathroom floor didn’t seem like a hygienic option, I figured I could design “Reclining toilets for the runs”.  The seat would have a lever on one side (you may buy one that suits your preference – lever on the left or right).  After the attack, you can pull the lever and it will recline to almost horizontal position. Thus saving you time to go back to bed.  The upper end model comes with a tv option on one side and a hand washing sink on the other. This option is also very good during spousal fights.

Physics : Never in my life ever would I have thought that about the speed at which I could travel to the washroom from my bed or about the time taken between pants down to sitting on the toilet or the strength and endurance needed to walk back to the bed, until the next run again.  The inner physicist in me is awake and is working on the numbers.  For the first time ever, I feel a bit like Einstein.

Disinfecting : Who would have thought I would look at every surface like plague that I would decide that it was time to use my “Get-my-spouse-to-disinfect-all surfaces – at – 3 am” card.  Oh boy, that was one grumpy spouse!

Food : As a person that lives to eat, I despised every smell, every picture and swore at every facebook post that even remotely was associated with food.  As I flipped through the tv channels to kill time, I even threw profanities at the channel guide that seemed to show “food network” as every second channel!

Yet in the end, I emerge a winner.  A winner and a smiler, for the ordeal is over and food awaits and life invites.